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01/13/2004: "Death, Death, Death"

We had another death Monday morning; this makes seven since Thanksgiving. Late this morning i went out into the memorial garden to make yet another effort to break through the tundra: eighteen inches deep and six around, large enough for most crematory containers. The ground was frozen six inches down, the color and texture of milk chocolate. I thought about her while I dug; I never spoke to her much, it took me a while to learn that what I took for hostility was actually pain and exhaustion. She rang with the bell choir; she must have really loved it because it looked to me as though ringing the bells was difficult and painful, and muffling them against her robe even more so. but she didn't stop until she could no longer leave the house. She was in hospice care these last few months -- your rummage dollars -- and the junior highs went to her house caroling the Sunday before Christmas. Of what the world values. I don't think she got much; Of what is truly valuable, I can't say. Part of me pitied her, and still does; but she lived a life, and came to the same end as we all do.