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10/07/2004: "States' Rights"

I went to the post office to mail a package this morning. In line in front of me was my next-door neighbor; we exchanged pleasantries and then she asked me if I was "seeing anyone". I said I was not but that there were certain possibilities, which I hope is both an accurate and a true answer. She expressed distress at my continuing single state, pledged her efforts toward finding me a mate, and proceeded to ask the clerk if she were married (she was). She completed her transaction and left.

I guess most single adults find themselves in this kind of situation from time to time, though maybe not in so aggressive and explicit a fashion; several times a year some friend or other tells me that a nice guy like me should have someody and promises to take on the task of finding me that somebody, though they never follow up -- probably a good thing.

This interests me not only personally but also philosophically. My neighbor, and these others, accept the proposition, "All people are better off married." Having accepted it, they put their convictions into action, making an effort to pair the unpaired, even if the effort soon falters. The proposition contains a moral imerative, and they accept that.

More troubling are the people who accept the proposition, but resist the imperative; they seem to resolve their dilemma by revising the proposition into "All deserving people are better off married;" the burden of proof is on the single person to show his or her worthiness. The proposition, "Singleness and marriage are both potentially good states," is generally not accepted, though it seems to me more defensible than the aforementioned. Iron is drawn to the magnet, gold is not; but gold is not defective because it is not found clinging to the magnet.