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12/13/2004: "Oughtta"

About two weeks ago I was talking to a friend -- I was at work and she was at church and we were at the same place -- and I felt compelled to break off the conversation. It had been raining heavily that morning and I said I ought to check the place in the basement where the water pours in sometimes. She looked at me and said, "It seems like you have an awful lot of 'oughttas' in your life." This was one of those stunningly brilliant observations that other people can make about your life, that you have no chance of ever seeing for yourself. I am a dog and a sense of obligation is my leash. I may think I'm going where I want to go, but it's usually where the pressure around my neck is minimized. And it's one of the paradoxes of life; I wear the chains I forged in life. I am imprisoned by the consequences of my own free will. I have chosen to honor these obligations, and for the most part I think I chose rightly. But I have a lot of oughttas in my life right now, and if they aren't really wannas too, I oughtta...I oughtta set myself free of them.