My Life So Far
My life is divided into three parts. In the first part I was young; an infant, a child, a youth, successively. I went to school, and then to college. I was shy and bookish until I discovered alcohol, when I started to seem more outgoing. Those years were spent in California, Massachusetts, New Jersey and Connecticut. I grew a beard when I was able and put on glasses when I needed to. I studied, too: I achieved some minor academic distinction in high school, maintained moderately good grades through most of my college days, and graduated with a B.A. in Philosophy and Classical Greek. Possibly I am smarter than I realize; I tend to think that I give the impression of being smarter than I am. Several young women came into my life at that time, and I was very unhappy when the relationships didn't go as I imagined they would. One of these young women died. She was also very unhappy, and maybe I could have helped her, but I didn't.
In the second part of my life I tried to be an adult. I was working on my art, occasionally making a small amount of money from it, and looking after my mother, who was becoming somewhat disabled by arthritis. I read the Bible, and Ulysses. I got a camera and learned to use it. My mother's arthritis became so bad that she decided to have a hip replacement, but shortly before she was to have the operation, she had a stroke and was permanently disabled. She was eight weeks in the hospital and the rehabilitation institute, and then she was sent home. Then the Visiting Nurse Association came into our lives. Home-health aides, occupational and physical therapists, nurses, and friendly visitors helped me as I became a full-time caregiver. We spent most of every day together for the next five years. Her condition deteriorated at the end, and I slept on the floor outside her room. One night I slept on the floor at the foot of her bed. In the middle of the night we had one last conversation. The next day she died.
I am now occupying the third part of my life, and I am about seven years into it. After she died I went to church, the first Sunday of Advent. I cried. I joined the church and met the Micawbers. One day he asked me if I would like to volunteer with the VNA Rummage Sale. I said that was the one thing in the world i wanted to do. Later that year I was hired by the church as a sexton, a position I occupy to this day. I had stopped doing art, but perhaps this year I will take it up again. I have lived alone these years, in the house I knew in the previous parts of my life, and I know that I will leave it some day. I have gotten to know more people these years than I did in the beginning of my life. Maybe I'm less shy. I know I am not unhappy.
David on 01.01.05 @ 10:54 AM CST [link]
